I'm so glad I did. We shopped and ate too much good food. We watched scary movies in broad daylight and sat in the hot tub. We laughed and talked and drank and partied without the responsibilities of kids and work and everyday life to distract us. And this morning it made me realize:
I forgot this girl existed.
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| (Definitely not the most attractive picture of me, but fun regardless. Note to self: never give drunken Molly the camera.) |
Now don't get me wrong. I love being Libby's mom. If I could claim only one accomplishment in my life, it would be being Libby's mom. She is my pride and joy and I am so thankful for every day I get to spend focusing on her little being. But that's not to say it's not hard...for all the mom's out there. And as a single-mom, I play a lot of roles and they get tiring sometimes. I'm her mom and her dad, the breadwinner of our family, and it's a lot of work. I thoroughly love being with that little girl every day, being her friend and playmate, her disciplinarian, her cook, her maid, her nurse, her photographer, her decorator, her cohort-in-crime, her mom. But I realized that sometimes I get so focused on being her everything that I don't give myself very many breaks.
I'm sure it happens to everyone: you get so caught up in the most important aspects of your life that you forget about the rest. I have been so focused on my top priority "roles" that I have let pieces of myself drift away. I have been so in tune with my role as a mom, my career as a nurse, and the homeowning billpayer, that I've forgotten to find and make the time to let the other pieces of me come out to play.
That's not to say that carefree, party girl Kendra should be invited out to play on a regular basis. I had my fun in college, and despite how much fun it was to let loose on the dance floor of some backwoods bar, that part of me should be kept hidden away, coming out to play on a selective basis. But there are other Kendra's (don't comment on the fact that I'm talking in third person now) that I haven't seen in a long time. Like, crafty creative scrapbooking Kendra...I couldn't tell you the last time I created a single complete page. And I don't let Chef Kendra make an appearance nearly as often as I could. Even Kendra the reader has suffered; I only read before bed, making my way through a few pages before lights out. And Kendra the friend may not have very many friends left; I have neglected them ever since becoming a mom and moving to the Cities.
I know part of this is just life, but I also know that I can't continue to let the pieces of me that make me ME suffer while I focus on being a single working mom. In order to be the best mom for Libby, I need to find some me time. She makes me so very happy and fulfilled, but I think a little me time will provide a much needed break and happiness boost when being mom and Super Nurse Kendra gets to be difficult. And think about it; she won't be living under my roof forever. I need to have some hobbies and roles that make me happy when she is grown and gone, that will make me the kind of person my grown daughter will want to have not only as a mom, but a friend too.
I think this weekend provided a great opportunity and inspiration to get started on this new task. This weekend I was mom, but I was also a good friend and a chef and a hockey fan and one of "those" girls out on the dance floor. It reminded me that yeah, I'm mama, a mama made up of a lot of good parts.
P.S.
1.) I hope that wasn't too confusing to follow.
2.) Girls weekend was GOOD. We've gotta do that again!
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| Hello again Root Beer Barrel! It was fun to see you, but we won't be meeting up again for a long, long time. |
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| Dance Maniacs! |
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| Big Buck Hunter Safari Penny vs. Kendra (I won!) |
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| These two started it. |
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| My work besties! I love you all! |
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| Thank you Breezy Point for a wonderful time. We will see you again. |
2 comments:
Soooo bummed I missed it! Looks like a good time had by all!!!!
It's ok to let lose once in a while. :)
Love it! Well done, Kendra
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